One Year Ago Today.

It's amazing how much things can change in a year. I feel like I've grown up a lot in the last 12 months. A girl messaged me recently asking for someone who would just listen, and I couldn't help but see myself in the messages she sent me. It got me all nostalgic.

I keep trying to imagine everything I thought was a big deal this time last year. A lot of it has to do with stupid boys, and high school stuff, and now all of that just seems so trivial.

I think the most amazing things about life is hindsight.

I actually hate the phrase, "hindsight is always 20/20." I don't know if it's because it sounds pretentious as hell, or because it's one of the truest sentences there is. Usually the next words after this are "if I knew then what I do now..." I think about that kinda of stuff a lot lately. I can't tell you why, I just do. I think things like this, to name a few:

If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd forget him sooner.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd say some things get better, the things stay the exact same were meant to.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd say the future is as scary as I thought.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd take the little stuff less seriously and just enjoy them.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd love deeper and stronger, because it's harder to regret that way.

But the truth is, if I knew then what I do now, I wouldn't be who I am right now.

I wouldn't know what it's like to wallow (for probably not long enough) about heart ache,
I wouldn't know what it's like to crush on the right boy without knowing it,
I wouldn't know how strong I can actually be,
I wouldn't know that my parinoia about the future was kind of nessacary,
I wouldn't know that my little breakdowns weren't all that nessacary,
I wouldn't know that love leads to understanding
and I wouldn't be able to help the girls who come to me and ask me for help. I wouldn't be able to say "I've been there sweetie, and I promise you, it does get better."

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and spending time with my family and my boyfriend's was really nice, and helped me remember everything I have been blessed with. Hindsight is always 20/20, but without the unforeseen things, life wouldn't be worth living.

I love you. :) And I'm always here.

Awkwardly signing off;
Taylor May.


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