Hi, I'm Taylor May.

Hi, I'm Taylor May.
"Give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts."

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Wait...Is This Real?

I just saw something that said "equal rights, equal fights" in reference to women's rights. Is this real?

I googled it, and some things came on debate.org. Here's some direct quotes from that.

"See, I say that kind of thing [equal rights, equal fights] around where I live all the time, and it's like, people think that I'm either joking or sexist. Quite sad."

"I've never been a fan of equal rights for women. The intent is great and I agree with the purpose, but it always turns out to be a bullsh!t trainwreck, so I don't associate myself with them."

"If a man slaps a woman and he gets beat down for it, a woman should to. I believe in equality, you see. Don't like it? Well then obviously, you're not for equality."


I don't like it, but not because I feel that women should be held accountable if they slap a man. Absolutely they should. And obviously, if you are a man or a woman and you get attacked by anyone, you should defend yourself in the most humane way possible.

I don't like it because I am 
appalled at the fact that someone, somewhere, brought up this argument in the first place. As if someone was talking about equal rights, and the person listening to said conversation just was like, "Whaaaaaoooo wait a second. If they have equal rights, we can hit them right?"

WHAT IS THAT. That terrifies me. I feel like that should have nothing to do with the conversation. And even if it did!! Women can be charged for domestic abuse or any other sort of abuse just the same as any man. That's already the same. How about we just don't hit each other. Simple as that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this argument isn't worth having with ignorant people who feel hitting anyone is right, or should be condoned, no matter what gender you are or identify yourself as.

I love you all and I'm sorry for getting fired up, I just wish I didn't see things like this in today's society. We should have evolved passed this point already.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Love is an Unalienable Right.

Recently, YouTube posted a beautiful video showing love and support for the gay community, and those who use their site. Here's a link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ufZoehofeg&feature=youtu.be
I think this is an amazing thing and I adore everyone who is in the video, and I just think it's beautiful.

I would also like to take this time to tell everyone I know who is homosexual how proud I am of them for staying who they are, and not hiding because of the stupid people in our world who tell them to. I love you no matter who you love. I can't imagine the way you feel, being attacked on a regular basis for something you can't change. Or how confusing it must have been for you to discover this part of you that a lot of people seem to dislike. But I will forever be an ally. I love you.

However, I know that there are people who do no share this view. What surprised me most me were the hateful comments people posted, and continue to post, on this video YouTube made.

This infuriates me, not only because I know that everyone should love each other, but because hate for homosexuals is absolutely absurd.

To everyone who thinks that those who love someone who is the same gender isn't equal, your ignorance is strange to me. This war you are fighting is a waste of time. Much needed changes are coming. When our children's children look in their history books, and there are facts about the changes for the gay community and their rights, they will not question why the changes were made. But rather, why the inequities were there in the first place.

I don't see how hatred because of sexual orientation is any different than hatred of race. I feel like everyone has a right to love, and have the same rights as everyone else. So once again, I beg you, love one another, no matter who they love.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

This is a Real Thing.

I'm putting together an anthology of poems and stuff.
But it's not just that.
It's also going to have little commentary/explanation for each piece.
I am so pumped. There are no words. I'm going to have a book! A real one! Of my stuff! AHH. Published author...
Holy man.
Crazy stuff happening this week.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I Think God Talked To Me Today.

I have been going through a really rough time with my faith lately, but I think it's starting to turn around.

Believe what you want to believe, but in the last few weeks I have been struggling a lot. It's really hard for me to believe in a God that lets awful stuff happen. I see so much pain and hurt everywhere and it breaks my heart. I just feel like if God loves us so much, then He should do something about all this stupidity.

(And don't even get me started on who goes to hell and who doesn't because that's a whole different thing.)

Today, I was taking a walk and I wrote the following poem.

--
The Pavement and I

Walking and breathing in cool air,

icicles that I invite into my lungs.
The sky above me is nearly dark,
clouded and numb.
I talk to myself, and the rains that I know will fall in the Spring to come.
And I ask my Father
to lead the way, to light my path,

because a lot of what's ahead of me is black.

--

And then I felt a raindrop on my face.
In the middle of Wisconsin Spring/Winter, I felt a raindrop.
I think that was an apology.

I was walking on thin ice the way it was before. On this water that I've been given, I guess. And all along, God has been freezing it more and more to hold my weight. But then, He didn't.
And I don't mean to say He's failed me, but I guess He just wanted me to know what it's like to swim against a current. We all get our fair share of it. And it sucked. And still does. And I might feel like I'm drowning, but  I think I'm going to get out of this all right eventually. I'm just treading water right now.

I love you guys.

Taylor May.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Week of Drama.

Holy crap. I am not one for drama, or handling things well, but this week just takes the cake for the stupidest week ever.

Let's just talk about one stupid aspect of it for now, though.

After being upset and worrying for almost four months that my health insurance wouldn't allow me to see my oncologist anymore (not because I'm 18, I can be at Children's Hospital til I'm 21 technically) my mother looked into it and the insurance will cover another visit. I was super excited because I wanted at least one more appointment with Doctor Tower (my oncologist). I told dad that he didn't have to go if he didn't want to, and he got mad because he's convinced that insurance won't cover it, and he doesn't agree with me going.
What actually sucks about this is that I have had to stand up for myself going to this doctor for three years now. My grandparents and my dad have always told me that I should go somewhere closer. These people have no idea what kind of connection you have with someone who saves your life. I cannot begin to explain how much my oncologist means to me. He always asks what shows I'm in or what I'm doing with singing, hell, we gave him a Without Excuse CD and everything. But my father doesn't think he cares about me or anything I do at all. I guess I can't expect him to understand just as much as I can't expect anyone to.
But he's so mad that he says he's "done" and doesn't want me to be at his house. What?
Let me tell you another reason I am terrified to switch oncologists. Doctor Tower has been with me since day one. He knows everything about my journey, and what got me to where I am. He understands my frustrations and I know I'm not just a number to him. I feel like anywhere I go here in the area, the doctor will treat me like every other patient and not actually care.

I just want one more appointment. All of this is so stupid. There shouldn't be this much drama around one more appointment.

Ugh.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Understanding.

Rant time. Prepare yourselves, continue at your own risk.

So I've been thinking a lot about my illness lately, and how I am about being sick. To be honest, I feel that I have gotten a little bit more open complaining about side effects and other things, and I think that might be because of the exposure I've given myself with this, just with blogging and twitter and whatever else.
And I am sorry about that. I know there are people out there who look up to me as this strong person, and I feel like I let them down anytime I talk about an ache or pain.

Overall though, what I realized today (more than any other day) is that there are people who will want to understand me and accept me for how I am, this sick kid trying to make everything be okay for everyone around her. And there will be people (who I have already come in contact with) who will be the opposite of that. and judge the way I handle things, and talk badly about how I deal with the things I'm feeling and have to go through.
The fact of the matter is, neither party will ever understand this.
And the other fact is that they don't have to.
I am mostly alone in this. And I don't mean that I don't get any support, because I know I do. I just mean that the deep down stuff about being sick? About going through all of this? That's all me.

To the people who judge the way I am, I'm sorry. I'm still learning how to live with this and how to deal in the appropriate way. But in the long run, what does it matter to you if I get a little pessimistic about this illness sometimes? It's my burden to bear and I suppose I'll do my best to keep you out of it.

To the people who love me and are trying to understand, I honestly love you for doing that. You are angels and I don't mean to offend you by saying you'll never understand because I say it in the most loving way possible, and I honestly don't expect you to.

I am always willing to talk about being sick, honestly with anyone. Like I said, I'm still learning, but thank you for the love and support you already give me. <3

I love you and I will always answer any questions you have. :)

Taylor May.

@Maylor_Tay on twitter.

Monday, February 18, 2013

This is How I Am.

Last night I felt the pang of good student guilt, and I did all of my late work for AP Lit. Literally from 3-8 with minimal distraction. My lord.

Today I have my first ever forensics competition. I decided to do Radio Broadcasting because I'm thinking about minoring in communications, and at the time, it seemed like a good idea...but now I'm super crazy nervous. I'm probably gonna suck.

What happens is I'm going to get a packet of stories, and I have to chose one world new, one national, and one local. I have to do a sports story and a weather story. I have to do a commercial. I have thirty minutes with this stuff I've never seen before. And it has to be between 4:90-5:10 long.

THESE ARE THINGS.

I'm so nervous I think I'm going to be sick. I'll update when I'm done. Merow.

AHHH.

Friday, February 8, 2013

I Was Stupid But I'm Better

Hey so remember how like a million people told me, "You'll never be able to stop singing!" or "You should totally keep doing shows!"
And I was stupid as was like "No way I'm quitting cold turkey no more music because I won't make any money womp womp sour puss."
Yeah well guess how long that lasted?
I was talking to my grandparents tonight about wanting to try out for another show, and I was like "I'm coming out of retirement. I need to do another show."
And they say..."Taylor, its been since November."

Ahh, yupp.

I can't stop. I won't stop. And sorry to everyone I said I would, because you were right and I was wrong. So there. :) Here we go, I'll let you guys know how auditions go when they happen!

I love you.

Taylor May.

Monday, February 4, 2013

I Heart Nick Sparks.


I like Nicholas Sparks.
I know this shouldn’t be some sort of confession, or some sort of shameful statement, but I feel like it is. I am in no way a literary genius, but part of me wants to cover my copy of “Dear John” or “The Lucky One” in some sort of paper so I can tell people it’s our friend Billy Shakespeare instead.
But why? What is it about cheesey books that makes lit nerds cringe? I will stand by my literary choices, and I’ll tell you why.





That man knows exactly what he’s doing when he’s writing what he does. He knows his target market, and it sells. He’s been pulling heartstrings since “the Notebook” in 1996. I was two when that book was published and I still can say it is one of the heart wrenching love stories of our time. BUT WAIT, there’s more. Because he did it again with “A Walk To Remember.” Everybody knows that’s sad. Everyone. This guy is making bank on every book he writes, and that’s because, though it may be the same template each time, these are the stories that teenage girls and even moms fawn over. He’s got his dynamic, and he owns it. There is no way you can say you didn’t get a little teary eyed at the end of “The Notebook.” Com’on.


Not that art is all about making money. Actually, art isn’t about money at all. But this is another truth that some lit nerds refuse to see: literature doesn’t always needs to be deep. books don’t have to be really all that meaningful, or enlighten you in some way by the end. Books can just be a way to escape our average, stupid, monotonous day to day. (Okay, stupid monotony is a little bit of an exaggeration.) Maybe we don’t learn something about ourselves by the last page, but that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy it. Even a little bit.

And maybe this is coming from someone who just gets too emotionally invested, but every time I get to the end of a Nicholas Sparks book, I hate it. Not because the ending is poorly written (most of the time) but because the book is over. I love me some sap. I just can't help it.


I love you Nick Sparks... Oh, and I love you guys, too. <3 Taylor May

P.S. : I am now the Social Media Coordinator for Introspect Arts! In the next few weeks I'll be updating more on what my job is with the company, and what new heights our goals are taking us to. I'm so excited to start this new part of my blogger-career, if that's a thing! :) love you!

tay_may on Instagrqm Maylor_Tay on twitter maylottay.tumblr.com

Monday, January 28, 2013

It's Been Too Long + "Mostly Normal"

Hey guys! It's been way too long, I got crazy busy with work and school and stuff. I've been looking for scholarships like crazy, and I found one for cancer kids/people affected by cancer in my state! Here's my essay; would you give me money? ;P Tell me what you think!!

------

Mostly Normal
There is no real way to start this that isn’t a cliche. I could say, “you never think it’ll be you,” I could say, “on that day my life was forever changed,” but that’s not my story. Those stories have their place, but that isn’t mine.
It is true that now one plans for cancer. Two days after my fifteenth birthday, leukemia was the last thing they wanted to test my blood work for. After it was determined that it was either acute lymphocytic leukemia or chronic myelogenous leukemia, I was sent to Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin in Milwaukee. (Needless to say, my birthday party? Totally canceled.)
After spending a week in the hospital, we found out that it was, in fact, CML in the chronic phase, and I knew more about how my body works (and doesn’t work) than the average freshman. I remember Christmas that followed it very clearly- two days after coming home, feeling mostly normal, my family all around- but there was something different. I was sick.
Being sick, to me, means something different than most kids with cancer. I have to take pills for the rest of my life, and the side effects are pretty nasty. I get migraines, fatigue, bone and joint pain, and other things that make my day to day life rather difficult at times. I never have had to undergo chemo radiation, because the pills work as a chemo agent. But if I ever were to get a bone marrow transplant, the only cure for my illness, I would have to kill all of my bone marrow with radiation first, which is when my body is most prone to an infection. Which could cause me my life.  Then, doctors would give me the marrow through an IV and I basically would cross my fingers. The transplant, like any transplant, could go wrong, or my body could reject it. This is a scary option, but luckily with my pills, it isn’t my only option.
Three years after my diagnosis, now going into my adult years, the days before it seem fuzzy and unreal. Even the family vacation the summer before doesn’t feel like it even happened- looking at pictures and thinking “before we knew” gives me a weird feeling. This illness has been part of my life for so long, it’s just kind of worked itself into my day to day life. When I explain CML to people, a lot of them ask me how I do it- go to school, go to work, be a normal member of society - and I always respond the same way. What do they expect me to do? Sit in my room and cry? No. I refuse to.
I want to further my education because of this reason. Through all of this, one of my goals has been not letting my illness define me. However, I would be lying if I said I’ve never felt the overwhelming weight the definition “chronic” can have. Sometimes even the thought of my fast approaching future suffocates and terrifies me- but I will not allow that to stop me from carrying out my life plans.
I plan on being an English teacher, for many reasons. One of them being that writing has always been an outlet for me, especially when it comes to expressing myself about my illness, but also just trying to communicate my ideas with people. I love that words can have different meanings to different people, and I feel like those meanings should be shared- which is another reason I want to teach. I also plan on being the teacher and role model that all of my teachers have been for me; I have never had a bad relationship with any of my teachers, and they have always inspired and supported me. I would love to be that to my students.

No one ever plans for cancer, or any other sort of curve ball that life or fate throws at us. But like so many others, my story will not stop at my diagnosis. My mostly normal life will go far beyond that day in December.
-----


Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Sometimes I Just Don't Know.

I feel like my life is turning into a bad country song.

I cut my hand on a soup can.
That cut got infected.
I have to take antibiotics because infections and the inability to create white blood cells? Not a good pair.
The antibiotics cause headaches.
I already get daily headaches (along with other things) from my medication I take for my CML.

Can I ever catch a break with this stuff? Honestly.

And I keep trying to smile through it but yesterday I just had to sleep all day instead. So I did.

Sometimes I just don't know. I feel like the reason behind everything that I've talked about in multiple blogs gets lost in all of the other things that I feel I worry about almost too much. Every single day I think about my future. And how terrifying it is. Every single day.

And I know that it's scary for everyone, but I feel especially terrified daily.

And then I get this feeling in my chest and my heart beats really fast and I want to write a blog so I usually do, and I try to always end it with some type of happy sentiment.

Today I was in the mall with one of my dear friends, and a weird kid who looked like a trouble maker told me "Nice glasses."
So there's that.

I love you all so much, thank you for your support. <3 I will try to keep you posted on things going on..if anything happens ever.

I love you.

Taylor May.

Maylor_Tay on twitter
tay_may on instagram
maylortay.tumblr.com


Friday, January 4, 2013

Finding Reason.

Semester final are coming up, and I am getting way too excited to graduate. I'm pretty sure it's on my mind 24/7 at this point in the game. I don't know how to keep myself motivated above C's anymore! It's a true problem.

But actually.

On another note, I should be getting my own laptop soon! which is super awesome, because then I can start my vlog. Something that got that idea restarted actually happened on tumblr.

A girl messaged me saying she was from Washington, and two of her friends were recently diagnosed with cancer. She said one was her very best friend, who was diagnosed with ALL. This breaks my heart, obviously. She was saying that the children themselves have come to terms with everything, but there are some rumors going around about them at school. She wanted to put a story in their school paper about children with cancer, and get rid of the misconceptions.

And she wanted to ask me some questions about my own cancer, and how it's affected me, because she asked the kids what blogs were good to do this and mine came up.

What? What? I was like...what? My tumblr? My blog? How? What? Me?

I calmed down a little bit, and tried to answer her questions as best as I could. I'm anxious to see how it turns out! But overall, I felt like this was an amazing example of everything happening for a reason. Cancer isn't a blessing by any means, but it has connected me to so many people, and opened up a lot of opportunities for me. And sure, there are things said about me too, most of which I don't hear- but people talk regardless of anything controllable by me or anyone else. I do my best not to let rumors get to me, because if I can make a difference one person's life, if I can make one person smile, I feel like I've done my job as a person not only with a chronic illness, but as a citizen of the world.

That got a little life-goal-yy but, still.

I love you. I hope you have a fantastic day, from the bottom of my heart.

Taylor May

tay_may on Instagram
Maylor_Tay on Twitter
maylortay.tumblr.com





Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year.

I can't help but feel that this year won't be that much different than the last, but feel free to prove me wrong.

I chose UWMC.

Happy new year, I love you.


Taylor May