Rant time. Prepare yourselves, continue at your own risk.
So I've been thinking a lot about my illness lately, and how I am about being sick. To be honest, I feel that I have gotten a little bit more open complaining about side effects and other things, and I think that might be because of the exposure I've given myself with this, just with blogging and twitter and whatever else.
And I am sorry about that. I know there are people out there who look up to me as this strong person, and I feel like I let them down anytime I talk about an ache or pain.
Overall though, what I realized today (more than any other day) is that there are people who will want to understand me and accept me for how I am, this sick kid trying to make everything be okay for everyone around her. And there will be people (who I have already come in contact with) who will be the opposite of that. and judge the way I handle things, and talk badly about how I deal with the things I'm feeling and have to go through.
The fact of the matter is, neither party will ever understand this.
And the other fact is that they don't have to.
I am mostly alone in this. And I don't mean that I don't get any support, because I know I do. I just mean that the deep down stuff about being sick? About going through all of this? That's all me.
To the people who judge the way I am, I'm sorry. I'm still learning how to live with this and how to deal in the appropriate way. But in the long run, what does it matter to you if I get a little pessimistic about this illness sometimes? It's my burden to bear and I suppose I'll do my best to keep you out of it.
To the people who love me and are trying to understand, I honestly love you for doing that. You are angels and I don't mean to offend you by saying you'll never understand because I say it in the most loving way possible, and I honestly don't expect you to.
I am always willing to talk about being sick, honestly with anyone. Like I said, I'm still learning, but thank you for the love and support you already give me. <3
I love you and I will always answer any questions you have. :)
Taylor May.
@Maylor_Tay on twitter.
Hi, I'm Taylor May.
"Give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts."
Taylor,
ReplyDeleteYou always have to stick up for yourself when it comes to side effects and how your meds are making you feel. Don't ever apologize for that. You are correct with you statement that if you don't have it you really truly don't understand how it effects someone. Those of us that do understand totally what and how you feel, we have all been there. It does get better with time so feel free to rant when needed.