Hi, I'm Taylor May.

Hi, I'm Taylor May.
"Give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts."

Friday, November 30, 2012

I Know Where I'm Going, It's Just Getting There.

for the last three years of my life, I've been absolutely certain what I want to be when I get out of college. I want to teach English. I'm sure most of you know this already because I talk abut it constantly.

To get to this point in my life, I've had to compromise a lot. I've grown away from the Arts, focused more on writing and English. I thought that had to be the end of my tough desicions! I was incorrect.

Because then came the issue of what college to go to. I thought I had that all figured out, but then my mother brought up the option of me staying home for the first two years and going to the extension school in town. My first reaction was no friggen way. I wanted out of thi stupid town as soon as possible. But then, after looking at my financial means, I thought that it was stupid to even think about going to a four year college right off the bat. I contemplated for weeks, and it wasn't until after I had spent over 88 dollars on other college applications and sending in my transcripts that I caved and convinced myself that transfering after two years was the most logical thing to do.

But now, after all this convincing, this wonderful blessing and curse has come from one of the schools I applied to, he school I intended to transfer to after two years. I was invited to a writing conference there, and I was given a scholarship for the poetry I wrote and submitted. I am not complaining about this at all!! I am beyond overjoyed, and so honnored, and so thankful..but now I've got a four year college in my brain again.

I want to go to this school. The biggest thing I'm worried about is the financial side of this..when I get out of school, I don't want to be up to my eyeballs in loans when I already have an insane amount of medical bills to be thinking about. I don't know what to do. My heart says one thing and my head says another. After I had to convince myself to do the opposite of what I wanted, I don't know if I can convince myself the original thing again!

I just don't know. I can't stop thinking about this. I know I'll get more fincial aid and scholarships, and grants, but I don't know how much, and I won't for at least a month. I just don't know.

I know exactly where I'm going. It's just how I'm going to get there that I don't have a clue about right now.

Well, I love you.

Taylor May

Maylor_Tay on Twitter
tay_may on instagram

Friday, November 23, 2012

One Year Ago Today.

It's amazing how much things can change in a year. I feel like I've grown up a lot in the last 12 months. A girl messaged me recently asking for someone who would just listen, and I couldn't help but see myself in the messages she sent me. It got me all nostalgic.

I keep trying to imagine everything I thought was a big deal this time last year. A lot of it has to do with stupid boys, and high school stuff, and now all of that just seems so trivial.

I think the most amazing things about life is hindsight.

I actually hate the phrase, "hindsight is always 20/20." I don't know if it's because it sounds pretentious as hell, or because it's one of the truest sentences there is. Usually the next words after this are "if I knew then what I do now..." I think about that kinda of stuff a lot lately. I can't tell you why, I just do. I think things like this, to name a few:

If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd forget him sooner.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd say some things get better, the things stay the exact same were meant to.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd say the future is as scary as I thought.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd take the little stuff less seriously and just enjoy them.
If I knew one year ago what I do now, I'd love deeper and stronger, because it's harder to regret that way.

But the truth is, if I knew then what I do now, I wouldn't be who I am right now.

I wouldn't know what it's like to wallow (for probably not long enough) about heart ache,
I wouldn't know what it's like to crush on the right boy without knowing it,
I wouldn't know how strong I can actually be,
I wouldn't know that my parinoia about the future was kind of nessacary,
I wouldn't know that my little breakdowns weren't all that nessacary,
I wouldn't know that love leads to understanding
and I wouldn't be able to help the girls who come to me and ask me for help. I wouldn't be able to say "I've been there sweetie, and I promise you, it does get better."

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and spending time with my family and my boyfriend's was really nice, and helped me remember everything I have been blessed with. Hindsight is always 20/20, but without the unforeseen things, life wouldn't be worth living.

I love you. :) And I'm always here.

Awkwardly signing off;
Taylor May.


Twitter: Maylor_Tay
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instagram: tay_may

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Hey, So, I Miss You.

Have any of you ever tried to pull away from something? To let go of something you loved more than anything?

Forgive my very elementary-school-esque start to a very childish essay, but I want to whine for a second.

I miss performing. It's been a little over a week and a half since my senior show, and I'm already withdrawling...I want to sing again. For people. And I don't mean just musicals. I was in a band once. Haha it sounds so silly, but some of you know this already...I was in a Christian rock band, it was pretty much just local, and we made a CD...but I had to leave because I wanted to focus on school and work and stuff this year. But it hurts so much! That's the only way I can describe it. I miss my time on stage with them a lot, a lot, a lot.

I'm such a baby. I want to go back in time.

Well, it's nearly thanksgiving. I love thanksgiving. It's moe about family and awesome food than anything. :)

Anyway, just a little rant.

((Hey, you. So uh...Just saying, hey, so uh, I miss you.))

Muwah.

Taylor May.

Maylor_Tay on twitter
tay_may on instagram

Friday, November 16, 2012

My Late Night Thoughts.

Hiya!
Just another random blog post.

First topic I want to adress: so hostess went out of business today. I think that's insane, from what I heard of the issue (from my math teacher, so feel free to correct me, hahaha) it was weird and rash, and just another example of stubborness making no sense. Someone please tell me more or prove me wrong. But what I think is weirder than that it closed was the news covereage it got, and the upset it caused. This makes me wonder, as I do a lot, about what we see as news worthy in America. I once saw a news story on whether or not Kate Middleton (is that her name?) wore nylons on her wedding day. I sat in awe in front of the television, just thinking...we have soilders in another country. Dying for our freedoms. And this is on the news. Even that, looking outside of America, (and in it, I know) there is so much poverty and pain. I feel like it goes unrecognized. Every day I wish I could do something for the people who have to worse than me. And when I see things on the news about Twinkies not being around anymore...I just get so confused.

But I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, or sound like I'm better than anyone or anything. If you're upset about twinkies, I understand. They're friggen great! But I promise, Little Debbie makes Cloud Cakes, and they're pretty good, too. :)

Rifle hunting season opens this weekend, which means I am sans-boyfriend. I worry like crazy when he goes out there any time. I just happened to pick a boy who loves to do dangerous things. like hunting and dirtbiking, and snowmobiling, and out of doors things...and it's all good, because I know he's super safe, but I still can't help but worry about him coming home! It's just part of my nature I guess.

Tonight I had my first sewing experience. That was fun. I'm not very good at it just yet, but hopefully I'll get better. :P

Hmmm...I think that's all that mattered to me tonight. My brain is all scattered since Aaron's gone. And it's nearly midnight.

Well, I love you!! Awkwardly signing off as always,

Taylor May.

Check out my first of (hopefully) many blogs for Introspect Arts! http://www.introspectarts.org/blog/what_introspect_means_to_me_11_14_2012/

Twitter: Maylor_Tay
instagram: tay_may
snapchat: Maylor_Tay
KIK: Maylor_Tay

Muwah!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Weird.

Today I feel weird.

I don't really know what to say.

I love you. :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

"Some days are gonna be crappsy."

"Some days are gonna be crappsy."

The exact words from the voicemail I just got from my very wonderful boyfriend.

He's right!
The musical just ended, meaning pretty much any of my involvment with musicals just ended (atleast until Introspect this summer) and I am at my wits end. I'm sick of being sick. And I have moods like this, where everything feels wrongand I just need to complain, but I know that it doesn't solve anything.

Like right now. I should be doing some homework. Instead, I'm piss-ily writing this blog post.

The musical's over. My car's broken, again. I'm sick, besides the cancer. I feel "crappsy" as Aaron put it. I hate school. I keep getting upset at the smallest things. I feel like everything I do I hit a wall.

And I should be counting my blessings! Instead I get so upset like this.

Self destruction, I tell ya. Self poison. I am totally aware of my problems, and I know that I should fix them (most of them, like the school one, which is touch and go) but I focus so hard on my own flaws and the things that are out of my control that I just get pissed like this.

So yeah. Some things are crappsy.
Screw this.

Having a meltdown, seems like for the hundreth time,
Taylor May.

tay_may on instagram.
Maylor_Tay on twitter.
Maylor_Tay on snapchat.

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Saturday, November 3, 2012

One Month Later.

Hello again.

I assure you, I didn't die. I just let this stupid school thing get to me, along with everything else.

October was not a very good month for me. I was mean, negative, I felt sick, I didn't care about anything, my grades fell from mediocre to worse, and the worst part about it was I didn't really seem to give a sh*t.

But then I had a wake up call. A boy, my boyfriend's cousin, actually, asked me to edit his essay. To put it tactfully, there was a lot of work that could be done. It took me all of five minutes to realize this, and that I had to tell him this in a tactful way as well.
I remebered that not everyone loves writing as much as I do. I remembered that English is hard. I remembered that writing is hard.
And then, after I took notes and made edits on my copy of the essay, it wasn't long before I got to actually talk to the boy who wrote it. But, instead of right away telling him everything he did wrong, I asked him about the assignment, and what he was trying to say. He told me everything better than he portrayed it in the essay, but I tried to steer him in the right way, and help him to make better sense of his ideas.
I did that and I felt so good about it. I helped someone else with English. I felt this new type of happy, one I never got from singing or performing in general. It was a warm feeling, starting right in my core and spreading, and I smiled.
I need to care. I need to try. I need to teach.

So, my goal this November is to restart my motivation, be positive for everyone around me, and do what I can. Oh, and keep up on my blog a little better. ;)

All of my love. <3

Taylor May.

twitter: Maylor_Tay
instagram: tay_may