Grrr.

Just recently I have been trying to cut out one of the thingsw in my life that I love more than anything- Music and performing.
I left the band I was lead singer of, I didn;t audition for one of my favorite shows that was being put on by a local arts company, stuff like that.
And now...i'm fully realizing that I absolutely cannot live without being on stage in some way.
I want more than anything to persue this, to live this, to eat sleep and breathe musical theater...but my health makes it impossible for me to live and actor's unstable life...

UGH. I am so sick of having the same stupid thoughts all the time. I'm just tired of having to jump through hoops and then feeling like I should be doing somehting else.

I for sure have to switch medication, I have an appointment with my oncologist this coming Tuesday. Joy of joys. I just hope that I feel better on new medication.

I was just feeling so hopeful and excited for the future, and then this hit me like a frieght train. Ugh.

I'm just going to listen to John Mayer til I fall asleep.