I Think God Talked To Me Today.

I have been going through a really rough time with my faith lately, but I think it's starting to turn around.

Believe what you want to believe, but in the last few weeks I have been struggling a lot. It's really hard for me to believe in a God that lets awful stuff happen. I see so much pain and hurt everywhere and it breaks my heart. I just feel like if God loves us so much, then He should do something about all this stupidity.

(And don't even get me started on who goes to hell and who doesn't because that's a whole different thing.)

Today, I was taking a walk and I wrote the following poem.

--
The Pavement and I

Walking and breathing in cool air,
icicles that I invite into my lungs.
The sky above me is nearly dark,
clouded and numb.
I talk to myself, and the rains that I know will fall in the Spring to come.
And I ask my Father
to lead the way, to light my path,
because a lot of what's ahead of me is black.

--

And then I felt a raindrop on my face.
In the middle of Wisconsin Spring/Winter, I felt a raindrop.
I think that was an apology.

I was walking on thin ice the way it was before. On this water that I've been given, I guess. And all along, God has been freezing it more and more to hold my weight. But then, He didn't.
And I don't mean to say He's failed me, but I guess He just wanted me to know what it's like to swim against a current. We all get our fair share of it. And it sucked. And still does. And I might feel like I'm drowning, but  I think I'm going to get out of this all right eventually. I'm just treading water right now.

I love you guys.

Taylor May.