cancerversary.

I don't really know what to say. Three years ago today, I got sick.
This isn't really a celebration, but more of a realization. This is just another day in my life, another milestone, another thing I just have to deal with.

This illness doesn't define me, but it is part of who I am. It affects every aspect of my life, if I want it to or not. And after three years, I still don't know how to feel about it. When people tell me I'm strong, I just thank them, but I don't really see myself that way. I do what I have to do. And so far, I haven't had to do any of this alone. I have support from family, friends, and CML groups.

And now, going into my adult years, I can't even imagine what my future holds for me. I'm terrified, to say the least. For the life of me, I can't help but think of this illness with every choice I make. I can't help but feel like a burden, or worry about money, or health insurance- because these are things that come along with this illness. I'll never be able to get away from them.

But at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am today without this. To be honest, I've grown and changed so much in these past three years. I've been hurt, but it taught me how to love. I've been stupid, but it made me smart. I've been unrealistic, but it made me realistic. I've been to hell and back again, but now- through the pain and the changes and the burden - now I feel like I'm just where I need to be.

I just hope God, who had to have planned this all out, knows what He is doing. Because at this point, I have no idea. I'm at a crossroads- not quite an adult, but no longer a child. And I'm scared.

Three years have gone by, here's to many more.

Love,

Taylor May.

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